The Power of Positive Thinking: An Experiment

(I can feel the shock from my family as they read the title.)

Historically, I am a pessimist. 

A Grump. 

An Eeyore. 

The glass is half-empty. 

If you know me only in a social setting, this may come as a shock to you; however, those who know me in more intimate settings would probably echo what I just stated. I tend to look at situations as awful, terrible occurrences that will end badly. By default, I tend to think people don't like me, and that they are only nice to me because that’s what their moms taught them to do. Be nice to those who are difficult; make sure to include everyone; or take her on as a charity case. I do not accept compliments very well because, historically, I have convinced myself they are lies and people are just saying nice things out of obligation. See above. 

And to those who don’t believe me, guess what: I have been acting. I am melancholy and pessimistic by default. I would love for rain to fall from the sky just so I could go wallow in it. Didn’t get invited? Amazing. Woe is me. My sister once said to me: “You are happiest when you can have something to complain about.” I'm afraid that, at times, that has not been untrue. 

But I wondered: What if there wasn’t something to complain about? What if life, instead of being blue and grey, were pink and yellow and orange? What if there were flowers instead of dead leaves and what if rain meant the grass would grow instead of being something to wallow in? 

What a great New Year’s Resolution, I thought. It’s been proven that most Resolutions fizzle by February anyway, so I'll only have to be positive for one month. If positive thinking doesn’t change anything, even better. One more thing to be negative about. 

I decided to try it, to humor myself perhaps. One month of practicing positivity didn't seem outright impossible. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but by January 1st, I was looking forward to the challenge. In my excitement, I made a list of steps that I felt would be effective in my quest.

Step one: Control what you can. Remove from your life what you know invites negativity. Leave that group chat you’re always rolling your eyes at. Throw away those clothes that make you feel less than fabulous. Do not entertain the things or thoughts that do not spark joy. And, in the famous words of my older sister, "Do not tell yourself anything you would not tell your best friend."

Step two: Remove clutter. Clean out the fridge, the drawers, that cupboard where you put everything that you might need later. Spoiler Alert! If you haven’t used it in six months, chances are you don’t need it. Dumpster or donate. 

Step three: Healthy habits. This one may be tailored to me specifically. Historically, I am not the healthiest eater around. I feel guilty when I reach for a sweet treat instead of an apple. I am not kind to myself when I look in the mirror, knowing I am looking at the same person who just cleaned out the oreos ten minutes ago. Step three was a big one for me. Cleaning up my diet also cleaned up my mind. I found that having something to be disciplined about (e.g. not eating as many sweets) helped me to be disciplined in other areas, such as not allowing myself to hang on to negative thoughts.

Step four: Find something simple that makes you happy and do it as much as you can. Walks in the afternoon and hot tea from Greta are some of my small joys– very simple and can actually be done every day. Instead of doing them with a sense of duty and routine, do them with gratitude because you can. 

In Real Life.

It’s easy to be idealistic. We all know how to be positive. For me, the trouble comes when I try to practice it. In order to learn more, I talked to some of the most positive people I know. One of the men I spoke with insisted that he is not always positive. "My wife would tell you I am not always positive," he told me. Yes, I understood. I too am usually upbeat and positive in social settings, because that is where I am the happiest. Another person told me the same thing. I started to realize that even the "positive people" aren't always beaming from ear to ear. Life is real.

Brandon is the educational director at Sleepy Creek. For a long time, I have loved to exchange ideas with him. Like myself, he has labeled himself a melancholic person. I asked his thoughts on positivity and mindset. He stated that melancholy is different from negativity. "Melancholy can be a good thing." Some creative minds are fueled from melancholy. Much of my own writing has come out of such a state. On the contrary, nobody enjoys the state of actual negativity. When trapped in such a mindset, nobody feels like doing anything at all– much less anything creative. 

He also talked about toxic positivity. Sometimes life is hard. Sometimes, bad things do happen. It is not good to cover these things with a blanket of positivity and go on pretending they are going to be ok. You can be realistic while holding on to an optimistic outlook. Without being realistic, we may never fully face the bad things that come in life in a healthy way. 

Practice makes Perfect. 

The Oxford Dictionary describes positivity as “the practice of being or the tendency to be positive or optimistic in attitude.” I like the word “practice.” To me, it tells that I am not the only one who has to work for it. It implies that it doesn’t come naturally to everyone. It helps me to not feel badly that I am not always a bubbling fountain of joy. It also gives me hope, because when I was a kid, I wanted to be good at soccer. I got a soccer ball for my birthday and practiced for hours every day in the backyard. I broke Mom’s garden fence in more than one place and chipped away at the garage siding with my soccer ball; but before the end of the summer, I could knock down all the poles I set up in the sandbox-- from a distance. Practice makes perfect. 

Sometimes, I could score goals without even trying. Some days are light and easy. Other times, it wasn't that easy and I realized I had to practice more. Some days are heavy and difficult.

Some days, it's ok to feel like Eeyore.

In Conclusion:

When I started this essay, I was of the opinion that I was all-negative and that I was all-bad. I decided to write about this because I thought it would be good for me to study positivity and optimism and learn how to become better at those things. Of course, I am in no way an expert. I am in no way a psychologist; but, embarking on this experiment has led me to look at things in a new way. I have been harshly reminded of the toxicity that comes with negativity. Negativity is a selfish disease that steals the color from the sunbeams and casts a shadow over everything good. Worse yet, it affects others around us.

What have I learned in the last month? First of all, I've learned that facing the day with genuine optimism will effectively change how one sees the world. I used to think that we needed to face the world with an assurance that everything would go badly because when it inevitably did, we wouldn't be disappointed. If, by some miracle, things would happen to turn out, we would be pleasantly surprised. But, Pastor Caleb told me one day that we must never lose hope. I think maybe he's right.

I began to look at negativity like I look at temptation. After all, that's what it is. The book of James tells us that if we resist the devil he will flee from us. For me, the same proved true for negative thoughts. In not allowing myself to hold on to negativity and dwell in that space, I slowly began to shift my mindset. I didn’t feel the negative thoughts so suddenly anymore. It stopped being my default. 

Perhaps the practice of being positive doesn’t make you a positive by default-- not right away, anyway. After only a month, I still struggle with negativity. It still comes skulking around in my mind like a little imp trying to cloud the day. I believe that for some, practicing positivity is a lifelong work. People who tend to think in the way that I do need to focus on the good. Maybe for some, it is a lifelong practice. But, as always, practice makes perfect. 

Let's take care of ourselves. Optimism is self-care. Choosing joy is self-care. Kindness is self-care. When we take care of ourselves, we can better care for others.